What difference does it make?

I had a really bad day. Well, night. Report cards were handed to us and instantly I knew I was screwed. My average wasn't was high as my parents hoped to be. But it was the best I could do in such a short time...

My drama teacher once said marks mean nothing. But schools have used it as a reward, a prize. Now we obsess and get competitive about it. He's right. My dad went off about me being lazy, not reviewing, not study, etc. Then he went on trash talking about my friends, praising those who are smart. I'm sorry, but it's one thing to trash talk about me and another to trash talk about my friends. Afterwards, he took my cellphone away because he assumes I talk on the phone every night with one of my best friends. Well, I don't. I don't care who the fuck studies 24/7 (no life much....?) and gets good marks or not, I'm not interested in that. My friends are my friends, I will not drop them to go make friends with people I don't like just because they study, not that I don't like nerds. I can't find interest in things I don't find interesting. I will never be able to dig up an interest. Our brains don't work that way. Or at least mine doesn't.

So what if my marks aren't high? At least I tried my best, have you thought about it? I'm sorry I'm not smart, you'll just have to accept that. Don't assume I don't study, do reviews and hand in assignments. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean I don't do it. You sleep early, I'm gone most of they day for school, you have no idea what's going on with my life. Yet you go ahead and make my life miserable by assuming and trashing.

To be honest, I appreciate you. But I lost the respect and unconditional love I had for you. I've thought about it, I probably wouldn't even give a fuck if you drop dead.

She was the world to him,
Someone he could never lose.
The lights dim,
She left him a little bruise.
His morals bend,
His heart aches.
Bitter end,
Crying rivers and lakes.

Seasons come and go,
Time passed him by.
On the ground, there's fresh snow,
He will never say goodbye.

He was someone she never knew,
Someone she has never seen.
He's watching her from a bird's eye view,
Around every corner, that's where he's been.
Everything was falling through,
He gave into his sin.
This addiction sticks like glue,
The border line is thin.
He followed through his plan,
And it worked like a charm.
After all, he didn't mean any harm.

I'm stubborn, I don't make sense, I'm imperfect, I'm selfish, I'm agressive. You saw past my imperfections, but now they're showing up very clearly in your mind. I froze, and life's moving at a fast pace. Leave me behind, I'm a burdern, I know. You come and go as you please, but not anymore. From now on, this door will be locked. So take your shit elsewhere, I'm done.

I don't know what to say anymore. I don't even know what to do. All I know is that I feel so cold and empty. We were great friends, stayed up late doing nothing, having the time of our lives. How could all of this change so quickly? You said you feel awkward talking to me; unable to keep up and trying hard to relate and respond to what I say. You said you don't have time to be messing around, that we both need to grow up a little, and that you need space. At this point, there are no way to fix what has happened. Maybe I was a step too late or maybe, I was wrong to even try and fix this situation.

Here's a cliche for you: we just weren't meant to be friends forever.

And I'm sorry.

People change, for better or for worse.
Sometimes, they change into a complete arse.
All I ever wanted was to be your friend,
I never thought this was going to end.
We had our fun, we had our share,
It is time to show you I care.
I care about your thoughts and feelings,
I just hope you aren't leaving.
This unrequited love, it'll always be,
No matter what, love will always cost a small fee.

We used to be more than just friends - less than lovers - now we're just plain strangers.
I regret doing everything and nothing. I never meant to let this die...

From strangers to friends;
Now I'm desperately trying to make amends.
I learned to be patient,
I learned not to be observant.
Sorry is never enough,
For I keep reading the signs.

I thought I knew myself well, but I think too much. Sometimes, all we need is a little more time. If only we can control time and resume it when we're ready. However, many things can go wrong with that. When it all comes to down to the end, where I end up with nothing. Losing everything I have started with. Winning may not be my strongest trait, and losing may not be something I like. But I am going down one way or the other. Just you watch... One way or the other.

I've lost my balance...
Just give me some time to fix this mistake and mess.
Just give me some time to regain my balance.

I thought I knew you,
I thought you were on my side,
I thought you were one of my best friends.

I don't know what to think anymore
But most of all...
I'm so sorry I don't know you anymore. 

There's no more care-free,
No more simple things to see.
There's no more calmness,
Everything's a mess.
Senselessness is creeping on quietly,
Self-destrution is on its way, slowly.
Destroying the path of sinking ships,
Those who cannot self-protect; their soul rips.
Into pieces they go,
Senseless souls will continue to walk amongst the earth,
Waiting...

Shredding the evidence of my childhood,
Of who I was, how I became to be.
Losing contact with reality,
I am not longer me.
If I don't make any sense,
Kindly disregard me--I'm just in my own little world.
Is my world really that complicated?
My world... Is something that will never happen.
Suddenly, Idiot became a beautiful name.
Without a doubt I'm losing control.
Better luck next time.
...Signing off with no sense of reality.

Let's leave things until later.
I refuse to think about it.
I refuse to go and solve it.
I'm too much for you to handle and you know it.

Sometimes, I can be selfish.
Sometimes, I can throw away all that I have just to see you smile.
Sometimes, it can seem like I am in love with you.
However, sometimes I can be selfless.
However, sometimes I just don't have the time.
However, sometimes it can seem like I despise you.
Just remember that even if it seems like I'm being a bitch...
Deep down, I will still love you 'til the very end.

You scream, you shout,
But I won't hear you out.
Not before, not now, not ever.
You dedicate your life to this mess,
But I couldn't care less.
You say I'm cold, without a soul,
Well, I have a story waiting to be told:
You're a two-face man with nothing but your eyes,
To observe the flaws in everyone's lives.
I will not be put under your microscope,
I refuse to listen to you.
I never did.
Not before, not now, not ever.

So far, all you see are blank pages,
But chapter by chapter, the pages are filling up.
Chapter by chapter, life is passing you by.
Another day, another lie,
Another tear, another goodbye.
Keep yourself locked in this cage,
Where you're empty of everything but your rage.
You scream your words loud and clear,
You hold on to everything that's dear.
Don't you worry though,
Because no one will ever know.
These four walls you cannot escape,
It is where you dig your grave.

I noticed that I'm invisible to you. Yet every flaw I have and every mistake I make, you point it out immediately, like you won't have another chance like that.

Keep pointing out those mistakes
Keep pointing out those flaws
Because when I'm gone, you'll have no one to blame
Because when I'm gone, you'll only have yourself to blame

All I can do now is to stand there and listen to your bullshit, blaming everything on me. On everyone... Anyone but yourself. You need to listen to yourself, to see your own mistakes.

You can keep blaming it on everyone else
Keep dreaming that you're perfect
But when they're gone, you'll have no one to blame
But when they're gone, you'll only have yourself to blame

I'm going to pretend I've never heard a word from you. I'm going to wait for that perfect moment go... So for now, I'll just sit here and be immature about it, and say FUCK YOU :)

It's 4:41AM... and I'm still awake.
I'm usually awake until about 5 or 6am. But if I'm still on the computer at around this time, my head would start hurting like it is right now.
I'm just bored, looking for something to do.. So I'll do a pointless rant.

I haven't been sleeping well for the past week.. I can't fall asleep before 5 or 6am, and I can't wake up before 3pm. Hell, I can't even get out of bed before 3pm.. I just don't have the energy to. I feel as if something's been eating me up, but I don't know what. I can't put my finger on what either.

I am a total mess.

School's starting again soon.. In a few days.. 2 or 3. All I know is that I have a couple of assignments that's due next Thursday and I haven't started. So, I'm pretty screwed for that. It's worth quite a lot of marks, too. Perfect.

I think this is only happening because I'm allowing it to. Is it really something in my control...?

Another thing I don't get: celebrity imposters (I don't know why I'm writing about this--it just popped up in my head). What's so great about pretending to be a celebrity? What's so great about having people believing in you when you won't even meet them? For all they know, you're that particular celebrity. And for all you know, they could be a serial killer. Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit...

I'm just really upset these days.

I don't like liars.

4:47AM--signing out of Buzznet.
Be back soon, probably.

I'm sick of hearing about it, just leave me alone. Go bother someone who cares, because I'm done listening. I still care about you, but go talk to someone else about this.

Yeah, you know what? Shut the fuck up. No one wants to listen to your bullshit. I'm trying to fix my life, so don't fuck it up for me, alright?

I am so fucking frustrated with you. Just shut up.

Yup, it's true!

http://www.nme.com/news/fall-out%20-boy/41204

"Singer Ashlee Simpson has given birth to a baby boy, which she and her husband, Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz, have named Bronx Mowgli.

According to People magazine the baby was born last night (November 20), weighs 7lbs 11oz (3.5kg) and was 20.5 inches long.

A spokesperson for the pair said, "Ashlee, Pete and baby Bronx are all healthy and happy, and thank everyone for their well wishes!"

Congratulations!

I'm so happy and excited for them :]

Wake Up. Get well. I miss you.

She'll never wake up. She's left here to die, in vegetation form. She has no sense of feel, touch, or thought. Her brain is dead.. Well, half of it.

It's hard to let her go. But what's the point of keeping her alive (even if her heart can beat on its own) if all she can do is stay in a coma forever? I don't want her to go home to God, yet. I want her to stay... Seasons come and go; her time is up. Her season's over.

I'll stay strong for her.. But I don't think I can hold it in any longer.

She'll never see me turn sixteen. She'll never watch me graduate from high school.

I'm tearing as I am writing this. I'm not breaking down, yet. So am I getting stronger or am I just accepting that I'll never see her again?

You will be missed dearly.. I will never forget you.

I think jealousy has gotten the best of me, so ignore me when I bleed. I won't be there to catch you fall, just note that I am long gone. You're pathetic from the start, so why do I hate you now? Ask me why I loved you, I wouldn't have the answers.

You make it so difficult to love you.

I see that I'm always second to you. That's why I'm giving up on you - for you, for her, and for myself.

..how life's just waiting to fuck you over.

Why are you always holding my hand? Putting your arms around me?
Is it really because my hands are always frozen? Or is there something else?
Are you still in love with her?
Is there something more?

Do you know that I'm slowly falling for you, yet slowly drawing back? I think I like you... But my feelings are starting to fade way. On and off it goes.

"Let them think what they want," you say.

You're too much of an amazing friend to fuck it over with. So I'm leaving this up to fate and go with the flow.