Bloodstainxx's Journals

Report cards...? Yeah, not so good.

I had a really bad day. Well, night. Report cards were handed to us and instantly I knew I was screwed. My average wasn't was high as my parents hoped to be. But it was the best I could do in such a short time...

My drama teacher once said marks mean nothing. But schools have used it as a reward, a prize. Now we obsess and get competitive about it. He's right. My dad went off about me being lazy, not reviewing, not study, etc. Then he went on trash talking about my friends, praising those who are smart. I'm sorry, but it's one thing to trash talk about me and another to trash talk about my friends. Afterwards, he took my cellphone away because he assumes I talk on the phone every night with one of my best friends. Well, I don't. I don't care who the fuck studies 24/7 (no life much....?) and gets good marks or not, I'm not interested in that. My friends are my friends, I will not drop them to go make friends with people I don't like just because they study, not that I don't like nerds. I can't find interest in things I don't find interesting. I will never be able to dig up an interest. Our brains don't work that way. Or at least mine doesn't.

So what if my marks aren't high? At least I tried my best, have you thought about it? I'm sorry I'm not smart, you'll just have to accept that. Don't assume I don't study, do reviews and hand in assignments. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean I don't do it. You sleep early, I'm gone most of they day for school, you have no idea what's going on with my life. Yet you go ahead and make my life miserable by assuming and trashing.

To be honest, I appreciate you. But I lost the respect and unconditional love I had for you. I've thought about it, I probably wouldn't even give a fuck if you drop dead.

After all, he didn't mean any harm...

She was the world to him,
Someone he could never lose.
The lights dim,
She left him a little bruise.
His morals bend,
His heart aches.
Bitter end,
Crying rivers and lakes.

Seasons come and go,
Time passed him by.
On the ground, there's fresh snow,
He will never say goodbye.

He was someone she never knew,
Someone she has never seen.
He's watching her from a bird's eye view,
Around every corner, that's where he's been.
Everything was falling through,
He gave into his sin.
This addiction sticks like glue,
The border line is thin.
He followed through his plan,
And it worked like a charm.
After all, he didn't mean any harm.

Replace me with blanks, I'll replace you with words.

I'm stubborn, I don't make sense, I'm imperfect, I'm selfish, I'm agressive. You saw past my imperfections, but now they're showing up very clearly in your mind. I froze, and life's moving at a fast pace. Leave me behind, I'm a burdern, I know. You come and go as you please, but not anymore. From now on, this door will be locked. So take your shit elsewhere, I'm done.

Nothing can be done.

I don't know what to say anymore. I don't even know what to do. All I know is that I feel so cold and empty. We were great friends, stayed up late doing nothing, having the time of our lives. How could all of this change so quickly? You said you feel awkward talking to me; unable to keep up and trying hard to relate and respond to what I say. You said you don't have time to be messing around, that we both need to grow up a little, and that you need space. At this point, there are no way to fix what has happened. Maybe I was a step too late or maybe, I was wrong to even try and fix this situation.

Here's a cliche for you: we just weren't meant to be friends forever.

And I'm sorry.

It only takes a second to change it all.

People change, for better or for worse.
Sometimes, they change into a complete arse.
All I ever wanted was to be your friend,
I never thought this was going to end.
We had our fun, we had our share,
It is time to show you I care.
I care about your thoughts and feelings,
I just hope you aren't leaving.
This unrequited love, it'll always be,
No matter what, love will always cost a small fee.

Say hello to goodbye...

We used to be more than just friends - less than lovers - now we're just plain strangers.
I regret doing everything and nothing. I never meant to let this die...

From strangers to friends;
Now I'm desperately trying to make amends.
I learned to be patient,
I learned not to be observant.
Sorry is never enough,
For I keep reading the signs.

Tear it into two, oh, I'd love to see you lose.

I thought I knew myself well, but I think too much. Sometimes, all we need is a little more time. If only we can control time and resume it when we're ready. However, many things can go wrong with that. When it all comes to down to the end, where I end up with nothing. Losing everything I have started with. Winning may not be my strongest trait, and losing may not be something I like. But I am going down one way or the other. Just you watch... One way or the other.

So cold... so alive.

I've lost my balance...
Just give me some time to fix this mistake and mess.
Just give me some time to regain my balance.

I thought I knew you,
I thought you were on my side,
I thought you were one of my best friends.

I don't know what to think anymore
But most of all...
I'm so sorry I don't know you anymore.

I'll make this perfect again...

There's no more care-free,
No more simple things to see.
There's no more calmness,
Everything's a mess.
Senselessness is creeping on quietly,
Self-destrution is on its way, slowly.
Destroying the path of sinking ships,
Those who cannot self-protect; their soul rips.
Into pieces they go,
Senseless souls will continue to walk amongst the earth,
Waiting...

Without control

Shredding the evidence of my childhood,
Of who I was, how I became to be.
Losing contact with reality,
I am not longer me.
If I don't make any sense,
Kindly disregard me--I'm just in my own little world.
Is my world really that complicated?
My world... Is something that will never happen.
Suddenly, Idiot became a beautiful name.
Without a doubt I'm losing control.
Better luck next time.
...Signing off with no sense of reality.